He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
