is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
