Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
