my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
