My sheets look like a crime scene.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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