I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
