Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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