i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
