I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
