My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come share oat with me in your robe
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
