He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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