I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
