You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
