We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
