We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
