I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well I just put wine in my tea
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
