I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
