I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
