There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
