I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
