Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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