had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
