So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
