You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
