we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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