I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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