Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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