I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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