I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
