Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
