So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
