why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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