All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
