i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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