Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
