i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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