i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
