You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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