That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
