I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
