i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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