I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
