so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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