I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
