The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize