We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
