Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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