Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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