You can't motorboat a personality
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
