Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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