I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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