I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize