he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i drank out of a bidet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
