You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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