I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
