Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
