Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
