You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
