New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
