Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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