how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
