and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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