Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ladies don't puke and tell
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
