batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
